Technicolor

I suppose that everyone’s experience of post-natal depression is different. The same goes for the recovery process. I’ve tried to describe in other posts how the illness affected my mental state, and what recovering from post-natal depression was like for me. This post is about where I am now, how I feel now that it’s all behind me Continue reading

Repercussions

I was a good mum. I didn’t read parenting books or mummy blogs, but I know I was a good mum. My daughter was well-behaved and polite, and most of all we had fun together. However, after we moved to Greece, she gradually changed and became less easy to handle. I blamed my in-laws for spoiling her (which they do – but she spends about an hour a week in their company, so how much damage can they actually do?) I blamed other kids that she was copying (yes, that happens, but only to a certain extent). But the person who was really at fault was me. Continue reading

We Don’t Talk About Our Feelings

Maybe it’s because I’m British – we do have a bit of a rep – but in the midst of my depression, I was incapable of discussing it with anyone. I told three of my friends about it while I was still on maternity leave, but I always ended, brightly, with “but I’m fine now!” Knowing as I said it that I was so far from fine. Knowing I had a cupboard full of paracetamol and that I resented my baby and sometimes -often – wished she’d never been born. Continue reading

Memories

One of the many things I didn’t know about post-natal depression before I suffered from it was how it affects your memory. I can remember, in crystal clear detail, so many things from the early days of my oldest daughter’s life. Not just the big things – the first time I held her, the first time we took her out in the pushchair, her first tooth – but the tiny day-to-day details like her expressions and the cute noises she used to make. Continue reading

Days of Darkness

I used to believe that depression was something which would never affect me because I am, by nature, a happy and optimistic person. Which is an ignorant, even idiotic, thing to believe. I found out the hard way that depression can affect anyone – and that it is a terrible, terrifying illness which will destroy your life, your mind and everything you thought you knew about yourself. Continue reading