But Sometimes …

I really don’t want to write this post, but I have to be honest with myself – and with you. I wanted my last post to be the end of the series I’ve entitled My Story – the sunny, beautiful, happily-ever-after. And honestly, I’ve been feeling that way – positive, grateful, content and so, so happy – for almost a year. But these past few days … . Continue reading

Repercussions

I was a good mum. I didn’t read parenting books or mummy blogs, but I know I was a good mum. My daughter was well-behaved and polite, and most of all we had fun together. However, after we moved to Greece, she gradually changed and became less easy to handle. I blamed my in-laws for spoiling her (which they do – but she spends about an hour a week in their company, so how much damage can they actually do?) I blamed other kids that she was copying (yes, that happens, but only to a certain extent). But the person who was really at fault was me. Continue reading

Memories

One of the many things I didn’t know about post-natal depression before I suffered from it was how it affects your memory. I can remember, in crystal clear detail, so many things from the early days of my oldest daughter’s life. Not just the big things – the first time I held her, the first time we took her out in the pushchair, her first tooth – but the tiny day-to-day details like her expressions and the cute noises she used to make. Continue reading

Days of Darkness

I used to believe that depression was something which would never affect me because I am, by nature, a happy and optimistic person. Which is an ignorant, even idiotic, thing to believe. I found out the hard way that depression can affect anyone – and that it is a terrible, terrifying illness which will destroy your life, your mind and everything you thought you knew about yourself. Continue reading